Some abuse is obvious and it is apparent that what is being done to you is clearly unacceptable. It becomes necessary to take a stand.
But what do you do when you’re manipulated just a little bit every day? What happens when the abuse isn’t so obvious? What do you do if you just don’t realize you’re being misled into abuse because you are being told it is love? What happens when love convinces you that you are suppose to bend over backwards just to please someone?
Emotional abuse can occur in any relationship. This includes intimate partners, parents, children, siblings, friendships, relatives and so forth. Emotional abuse can be insidious and elusive. Know the warning signs.
Signs of Emotional Abuse.
Comparisons. Comparing you to prettier, smarter, kinder, funnier, stronger, more accomplished, more grateful, more thoughtful, goal-oriented, confident, self-reliant, successful friends and family.
Intensity. Excessive charm, lying to cover up insecurity, needing to immediately win people over. Over the top gestures that seem to be too much. Bombarding you with numerous texts, emails and phone calls in a short time and behaving obsessively.
Jealousy. Responding irrationally when you interact with other people. Becoming angry when you speak with others. Persistently accusing you of flirting or cheating, Resenting your time with friends and family or demanding to know private details of your life. Angered by any other relationship than with them.
Control. Convincing you that you are not capable of making any decisions for yourself. Telling you how you should look, when to speak or what to think. Showing up uninvited at your home, school or job. Checking your cell phone, emails or Facebook. Going through your belongings, following you and making you feel bad about yourself. Manipulating you one step at a time until you lose all confidence in your judgment.
Isolation. Insisting you only spend time with him or her. Making you emotionally or psychologically dependent. Preventing you from seeing your family or friends, or doing everyday tasks and things you like to do.
Emotional memories. Constantly reminding you of all the times you’ve screwed up. Constantly bringing up your failures or the mistakes you’ve made in your life to reinforce the idea that you depend on them and can’t survive by yourself without their help and guidance in life.
Criticism. Humiliating you or making nasty remarks. Calling you overweight, ugly, stupid or crazy, ridiculing your beliefs, ambitions or friends. Telling you they are the only one who really cares about you. Brainwashing you to feel worthless.
Blame. Making you feel guilty and responsible for their behavior. Blaming the world or you for their problems. Always saying, “this is your fault.” You get blamed for your friend’s behavior, the way your kids are, your friend’s divorce, or just about anything else.
Anger. Overreacting to small problems, frequently losing control, violent outbursts, and severe mood swings. Drinking or partying excessively when upset. Making threats, picking fights, having a history of violent behavior and making you feel afraid.
Emotional abuse feels shameful and humiliating. It’s not easy to talk about it with others, especially when you believe it’s your own weakness that led to the abuse. If you recognize any of the signs of emotional abuse in your relationship, you need to be honest with yourself so you can regain power over your own life.
Carrie
Jealousy, control, manipulation and isolation can at first be so slight that you’d miss it or consider it to be nothing more than issues resulting from low self esteem, or finding your place in a relationship, gradually though becoming more intense over time. Soon it can seem to be ‘normal’ behavior, you develop a mind set that assures you they had always been this way and you begin to except the behavior. Eventually you become the so dependent on them, their input, their actions and how they feel outwardly that when you begin to see disturbing patterns of behaviour it’s too hard to talk to them about it. If you are able to bring up the subject it’s often met with, frustration, tears and more isolation. So you try to cope with it as best you can not realising that you dying a little inside every day.
It sounds like my relationship with my ex-husband.I was blamed for everything even if he missed the exit sign while driving. He took control of my life for 20 years till I decided that enough is enough. I’m living the happiest days of my life since the divorce.
But if he hides you in the shadows and treats you like the other woman & dictates the terms of the friendship & you lack the strength to stand up for your rights & his superiors thinks he’s a hero for rejecting & humiliating you right after requesting naked photos, do you deserve the mistreatment, being fired & being mocked, ridiculed, taunted & finally told to kill yourself on your Daughter’s birthday & then have all contact terminated because he no longer has a use for you and because you were so lonely you let it happen and let him touch and kiss you because you thought he was a friend. You are so alone you just didn’t realise the torment & humiliation you were being subjected to. But does the other woman deserve to belittled & hurt to glorify the wife after two years of manipulation & deceit?
No one deserves to be treated this way. A better question would be why do you choose this for yourself?