INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Interpersonal Relationships are our closest relationships most often found in marriages, families and small circles of friends.

We all have a natural drive to seek contact and support with other people in this world. Each of us has a need to belong and to connect with one another. We need other people around us to survive and function well. Our interpersonal relationships require the most effort to cultivate and maintain.

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Although good relationships can be a huge boost to our wellbeing – what happens when relationship difficulties arise? What happens when we can’t figure out how to get along? When we can’t connect?

Conflict, stress and tension occur at all levels of interaction – at work, among friends, within families, between romantic relationships and educational settings and so on.

Having a small argument with a family member or co-worker may seem trivial. However, prolonged or intense disputes can become very distressing and harmful. Unresolved work differences can have a snowball effect over time. Martial disagreements over small things left unchecked, become big things in no time.

Giving in to maintain your relationship or gain acceptance or approval from a friend will eventually foster anger.

Conflict causes resentment, hostility and perhaps the ending of the relationship. Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurt feelings, disappointment, and discomfort. When handled in an unhealthy manner, it can cause irreparable rifts, resentments, and break-ups.

But when conflict is resolved in a healthy way, it increases our understanding of one another, builds trust, mutual respect and strengthens our relationship bonds. Whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy depends not so much on the number of conflicts between participants, but on how the conflicts are resolved.

5 Types of Communication

Style What we use it for Danger of Inappropriate Use
Accommodation ▪     To build the relationship

▪     When the issue is relatively unimportant to you, but important to the other person

▪     When you have less experience or expertise than the other person

▪     When preserving harmony and avoiding disruption are especially important

 

 ▪     Your needs are not met

▪     You may begin to feel taken advantage of and resentful

▪     Giving in to maintain the relationship and gain acceptance and approval.
Avoidance ▪     When the issue or relationship is unimportant

▪     To prevent an immediate conflict (e.g. inappropriate time, place, or feelings are escalated)

▪     When someone else can resolve the conflict more effectively

▪     When you have little chance of satisfying your concerns

 ▪     Conflict may fester until it escalates

▪     The relationship remains superficial

▪     You are most concerned about avoiding the unpleasantness associated with conflict.
Collaboration ▪     To find a solution that integrates both sets of concerns, as they are both important

▪     To merge insights from people with different perspectives on a problem

▪     When commitment and “buy-in” is needed to implement a solution

▪     When hard feelings have been interfering with an interpersonal, working relationship

 ▪     May waste time and energy on issues that are not important

▪     As the process can take longer it may frustrate some people
Competition/

Directive

 ▪     When quick, decisive action is important, such as emergencies

▪     When your core values need to be defended

▪     When it is important to you to have it your own way

 ▪     May weaken relationships if it is perceived that you won and the other person lost

▪     You receive less input and ideas from others

▪     Others may not “buy-in” and sabotage the decision

▪     More concerned about the goal or having needs met than the stability of the relationship
Compromise ▪     When an agreement needs to be reached – time is important

▪     When mutually exclusive goals prevent collaboration

▪     To achieve temporary settlements to complex issues

▪     As a backup mode when collaboration or competition is unsuccessful

 ▪     Nobody really gets what they want or need

▪     The focus becomes what you did not manage to get re needs/wants

▪     Problems reoccur as they were not fully explored and resolutions found that truly work for those involved

Unhealthy responses to conflict are characterized by an inability to recognize and respond to matters of great importance to the other person. Explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions and the withdrawal of love, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear of abandonment are common.
When it comes to other people, you more than likely have a huge blind spot. Recognizing your interpersonal blind spot is the first step. Effective conflict management involves knowing when to use each style and having skills and experience using each style.

It helps to approach conflict with a clear sense of what the problem is and what you would like to get out of the situation. Being able to articulate your thoughts, and needs in a direct, yet non-threatening way will promote a problem solving, rather than defensive atmosphere. By learning the skills you need for successful conflict resolution, you can keep your personal and professional relationships strong and growing.
Have your efforts to change your problem or relationship difficulties failed? Are you looking for a real key to personal growth?

If you feel you have conflicts that are just too much for you to handle right now, it’s time to consider getting some outside input. If your conflicts are overwhelming or you are experiencing a great deal of relationship difficulties, it’s time to get professional support and clarity on your thoughts and on how the process of enhancing your relationships actually works. It is time to start taking steps to improve your relationships once and for all.

If this is this sounds overwhelming and you don’t know where to start, let’s schedule a 30-minute consultation where you get to tell me what’s going on and I explain about your options and see if we can work together.