Do you feel personally responsible when bad things happen? Do you avoid taking risks or giving your opinion? Do you predict the worst-case scenario of what MAY happen and obsess about it? Do you have problems with your physical appearance and body that you can’t let go of? Do you “what if” yourself to death? Do you compare yourself to others and constantly come up short?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, your self-criticism may be a barrier to your happiness and peace of mind. Many people believe that being hard on yourself will make you do better or be better. It simply isn’t true. It doesn’t make you better. It makes you want to give up. The overly critical mindset is unquestionably dangerous.
Being overly critical can lead to increased depression, anxiety, body image issues, addictions, perfectionism, procrastination, rumination, self-harm and so forth. Negative self-criticism often hinders forward movement and impedes progress towards goals. The belief is…if I already feel worthless and incompetent, what’s the point of even trying?
On the contrary, being compassionate and loving yourself can be helpful and useful in creating valuable change. Perhaps this sounds foreign. Nevertheless, there is benefit in learning ways to treat yourself with the same kindness and support that you would provide for a friend or family. When done correctly, it means accepting the reality that we are ALL flawed and imperfect individuals.
Rather than believing “I’m a horrible person” or “I’m a failure,” this newfound approach allows one to focus on what went wrong and how to change it. Moving forward involves examining the negative results in your life and doing better the next time. It focuses on what you CAN do about it, rather than focusing on the things that are out of your control. It’s considerate, respectful, caring, thoughtful, loving, tender, understanding, sympathetic, empathetic and kind. When you love yourself enough, you begin leaving whatever isn’t healthy in your life.
Will you take a step outside of your critical, unforgiving mind? Can you imagine your life when you let go of self-inflicted criticism, recognize your worth, and treat yourself accordingly?
If these questions pose a challenge, I encourage you to seek therapy. Exploring reasons behind your excessive self-critical tendencies is crucial to your overall well-being as well as learning new ways to practice self-compassion and love.
Carrie
Hi Carrie, I just want to say Your site is very informative and helpful. Although I no longer require counselling myself, I did find it extremely beneficial at the time, I’m sure your blog and your writing has already and will continue to be of huge help to people and I will look forward to reading more of your posts
Thank you so much Shaun. I appreciate it.