Were you discouraged from showing your feelings when you were young? When someone hurts you, do you bury your head in the sand and pretend you’re fine? Do you work at concealing bad feelings that have plagued you, only to have them rocket out in an angry outburst? Do you hide your pain and misery from others? Have you mastered your poker face? Do you cover up the fact that you are upset?
Expressing emotions is most often frowned upon. As a therapist, I find this incredibly troubling. One could argue that expressing anger is more accepted than expressing any other emotion in today’s society. However, anger should not and cannot be the only acceptable way to communicate feelings.
Burying feelings of hurt, sadness, disappointment, frustration, rejection, humiliation, grief, confusion, and so forth, causes damage and destruction. Emotional pain and stress also take a physical toll on your body.
Blowing up over minor incidents, walking around with a tightness in your chest and a knot in your stomach, depression without any apparent cause, lack of ambition or motivation, speaking only of superficial things, troubled relationships, overeating, drinking, using drugs, compulsive behaviors, and excessively working are all symptoms of burying your feelings.
Keeping emotions repressed and buried requires a lot of energy. Burying your feelings increases the likelihood that you will never be able to effectively deal with those feelings or situations in the future. Unresolved feelings seep out. The seepage will take some of the pressure off, but it WILL NOT resolve the underlying feelings.
Buried emotions stick around. They don’t leave. If you’re burying them, I can assure you, it’s temporary. What you risk by not expressing your pain is far greater than what you gain.
You buried these emotions because they were too painful and too difficult to deal with when they occurred. You’re working way too hard to keep them hidden. There isn’t much energy left over for other activities. You cannot be fully present with those you love today until you have released your emotions.
Perhaps you have trouble even identifying them. Perhaps you don’t know how to express them. Whatever the reason, perhaps it is time you learned.
Carrie
